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17

May

Dr. Obvious

DOCTOR:
So you have lock jaw.
ME:
Yeah. I know. That's why I'm here. How do I make it go away?
DOCTOR:
See a dentist. You might need a mouth guard.
ME:
Lovely. Do you have any referrals?
DOCTOR:
1-800-Destist.
ME:
Is that a joke?
DOCTOR:
No. But, wanna hear a funny story?
ME:
Sure.
DOCTOR:
So another patient of mine got lock jaw from giving her boyfriend.. you know...
ME:
Well funny story... I'M HAVING A DRY SPELL.
DOCTOR:
Sorry to hear that. So yeah go see a dentist.
ME:
Thanks.
DOCTOR:
And good luck with your dry spell.
I hate my life.

02

May

My Future Husband According to My Mother

It has recently been brought to my attention that my mother has been doing a lot of “praying.” And by “praying” I mean she’s been asking “Jesus” that I  ”marry someone who is tall and is a hedge fund guy.” (source: my dad)

Um.

What?! 

So when I came across this beautiful letter that  Dr. Kelly Flanagan wrote his daughter about the kind of guy he hopes his little girl marries some day. I couldn’t help but think about my dad. And if my dad had written this letter, what would my Mom add that would inevitably make it borderline inappropriate.  (as she does to most nice things).

Below is an excerpt from Dr. Flanagan’s letter in italics - with what I imagine my Mom would add. (It’s not hard to tell them apart..)

I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.

I DO care if YOU put your elbows on the table, Gabriella!!! I BOUGHT YOU TIFFANY’S TABLE MANNERS ! Did you read it? Don’t lie! Want me to send it to you? Do they have book stores in LA!!?!

I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.

Oh! He belongs to a golf club? What are you going to wear!?? Barney’s having a sale! 

I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.

But seriously, DOES he have money? What does he do?!

I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.

Oh this one is nice! But I hope he’s tall. And works for a hedge fund. Really that’s what’s the most important. Hedge funds. I don’t even know what a hedge fund is! I just know it means he makes a lot of money.

I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.

My daughter was in an Obama video!!!!!!! 

I don’t care about the color of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.

As long as he doesn’t look like a terrorist and his name doesn’t sound too foreign….

I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.

I don’t care what his religion is, as long as he believes in Jesus!!! :)

In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common:

You.

And that he has money…. 

23

Apr

hellogiggles:

THAT TIME I JOINED A CULT: HOW SOULCYCLE WON ME OVER
by Gabi Conti
http://bit.ly/13UK3zt

Got a new article on Hello Giggles about how I joined a cult. And by cult I mean took a class SoulCycle and loved it.

hellogiggles:

THAT TIME I JOINED A CULT: HOW SOULCYCLE WON ME OVER

by Gabi Conti

Got a new article on Hello Giggles about how I joined a cult. And by cult I mean took a class SoulCycle and loved it.

19

Apr

Copy Cat or Coincidence?

imageimage

I had posted this yesterday and took it down. But after some updates, I chose to repost. I think this is an important issue for bloggers and writers to be aware of. It’s so easy to copy/plagiarize/ inspire with the wealth of content on the internet. After what happened to me yesterday, I vow as a writer to always cite my sources and give credit where credit is due. Here’s my story:

It was brought to my attention that an article was published yesterday on The Conversation’s blog entitled : How to Handle a Houdini: What To Do When a Guy Pulls a Disappearing Act.

Which has a striking resemblance to my article, Confessions of a Hopeless Romantic: Holding Out For Houdini that was published on Hello Giggles last week. The Conversation article was so similar to mine, that I had several friends send me the link asking if it was mine. I’m a big fan of Amanda de Cadenet and The Conversation. So I found this upsetting. 

Yes, there is a chance this is a pure coincidence and I want to believe that. But deep inside, I had my doubts. The writer Mandy Hale is a published author with thousands of followers on Twitter. Compared to me, she’s a big fish and it feels like she just swallowed me whole sashimi style.

It would be one thing if my blog was published on my own blog. But it was on the front page of Hello Giggles, a blog that has a ton of traffic. When I made my Hello Giggles debut with Confessions of a #YOLO Enthusiast: I Was on Millionaire Matchmaker, the post was picked up by Yahoo. So it’s hard to believe that Mandy didn’t see it. Not to mention before I blog anything I do a simple google search on the subject. If you google “Houdini dating disappearing act” my article is the first to pop up…

So I did the only thing I really could do. I commented:

Hi Mandy. My name is Gabi Conti. I’m a writer for Hello Giggles and just had my article published about Houdinis http://hellogiggles.com/confes... last week. It feels a little too coincidental that your article is published on the same subject a week later. While I enjoyed your perspective on the matter, I feel cheated. I don’t have a book published (yet). I don’t have as many twitter followers as you (yet). I’m sure you remember what it was like when you were getting your start. It would’ve been nice to give credit where credit is due. Or perhaps it was a mere coincidence in which case, I guess we have ESP or something…

My comment was quickly replied to by Rebecca the editor at The Conversation. She was super professional about the misunderstanding and assured me it was a coincidence. I was happy to hear that, because as a writer, no one wants to feel like their work was stolen without credit. This comment was all I needed. I thanked Rebecca, I took down this blog post, Facebook posts and tweets about my doubt. 

Then I heard from Mandy…

While Rebecca was assuring and professional, Mandy was anything but. Mandy harassed me on Twitter sending me about 20 tweets about how “it would’ve been nice to not have those hurtful assumptions” made about her. When they were never assumptions but simply doubt.  And the fact that she had to say 20 times that she didn’t copy me makes me think that hmm…maybe she did? 

Also Mandy, it’s super easy to get a hold of me. You can email me from my website on my Twitter. It would’ve been much more professional to send me an e-mail instead of a Twitter rant. You have clogged up my @s on Twitter to the point that I can’t see all the RTs and @ from my friends.

What do you guys think? Am I being paranoid? Or do I have the right to have this doubt? 

Have you ever been copied or plagiarized online? The Internet makes it so easy to plagiarize but even easier to get caught. Do you think Mandy is copying me or like magic was this was a mere coincidence? 

18

Apr

Am I Crazy?

ME: I’ve been crying and stalking most of my exes on Facebook. I’m either PMSing or going insane. 

BECCA: Let’s pretend PMS. But we both know we’re both insane.

ME: That’s why were such good writers! 

And this is why #HashtagTheMusical is going to rock. 

15

Apr

hellogiggles:

SAVE SURI!: 10 REASONS WHY SURI CRUISE SHOULD STAY OFF THE BIG SCREEN
by Gabi Conti
http://bit.ly/104fO8r

Got another post on Hello Giggles. Please save my fashion icon Suri! #SaveSuri 

hellogiggles:

SAVE SURI!: 10 REASONS WHY SURI CRUISE SHOULD STAY OFF THE BIG SCREEN

by Gabi Conti

Got another post on Hello Giggles. Please save my fashion icon Suri! #SaveSuri 

09

Apr

hellogiggles:

CONFESSIONS OF A HOPELESS ROMANTIC: HOLDING OUT FOR HOUDINI
by Gabi Conti
http://bit.ly/ZkpqEN

Thrilled to have another piece on Hello Giggles. Been getting feedback that it’s a good read for single ladies. If only I could follow my own advice…. 

hellogiggles:

CONFESSIONS OF A HOPELESS ROMANTIC: HOLDING OUT FOR HOUDINI

by Gabi Conti

Thrilled to have another piece on Hello Giggles. Been getting feedback that it’s a good read for single ladies. If only I could follow my own advice…. 

02

Apr

The Doctor Crushing My Ice Cream Dreams

DOCTOR:
Has anyone ever told you your tonsils are large?
ME:
No..
DOCTOR:
Do you get sore throats a lot?
ME:
Yes...OMG does that mean I need to get my tonsils removed?! Because I'm all about the ice cream recovery!
DOCTOR:
Actually, as an adult the recovery is terrible. It's not just ice cream...
ME:
Obviously! Like also juice and milkshakes, right?
DOCTOR:
It's painful. I wouldn't suggest it unless it's truly interfering with your life.
ME:
Well I am a singer.
DOCTOR:
For a living?
ME:
No. Like karaoke.
DOCTOR:
Yeah. I wouldn't suggest it.

24

Mar

hellogiggles:

9 CLASSIC LOVE STORIES THAT WOULD BE LESS ROMANTIC IF SET IN MODERN DAY
by Gabi Conti
http://bit.ly/WO9PQX

Another post on Hello Giggles! Kinda of paying attention in English class paid off. Stay in school kids! 

hellogiggles:

9 CLASSIC LOVE STORIES THAT WOULD BE LESS ROMANTIC IF SET IN MODERN DAY

by Gabi Conti

Another post on Hello Giggles! Kinda of paying attention in English class paid off. Stay in school kids! 

04

Mar

Riding in Cars With Boys: A Chart

I made this chart and Dirty And Thirty published it

I’m auto-phobic.

Meaning I spend a lot of time psyching myself up on what kind of car a first date will pick me up in.

I’m not hoping for a really nice car. In fact, really nice cars intimidate me/ make me suspicious. (You’re an assistant and you drive a BMW…Is this stolen?) I think the perfect car for a guy to drive is in between “not the bus” and “not too expensive that you’re pretty sure it’s his mom’s.”

So I made this chart which essentially diagrams how insane I am. Perhaps you can relate.

What do you think is the perfect car for a guy to drive? And am I alone with this phobia?